3 Reasons You Can't Relax as a Working Mom
When You Want to Be Present But You’re So Tired
You know that relaxing matters.
I mean you hear it all the time, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
But don’t you wish relaxing was as easy as everyone makes it sound.
Not even spa days or lounging on the beach, but being able to go to sleep without you mind buzzing with tomorrow’s agenda.
Try as you do to wake up early, fit in a workout or quiet time before the kids wake.Bouncing between managing your home, tending to your people, work demands, and just maybe trying to get five minutes to yourself. And when you finally do sit down for a breather... your brain doesn’t follow.
Even when nothing demands your immediate attention, it feels like it does, so relaxing becomes the can you kick down the road until later…but later never comes.
Relaxing is so hard - and it shouldn’t be.
Rest Isn't Always What We Think
The moms I meet with in my coaching program, often pride themselves on being busy. People count on them to get things done. She’s always ahead, never behind. Rewarded for her devotion and admired for her ability. If she didn’t do it, who else would?
Being busy doesn’t seem like that big of a problem right?
And maybe for the most part, it isn’t…
But when you find yourself unable to sit and watch your kids play because of the nagging unfolded laundry or snapping at your son as he’s out the door for school because there’s literally so much that needs to get done and his chattiness is “holding you up” (definitely spoken from personal experience because I get it) you might begin to realize that being being busy is a problem.
So you promise yourself you’ll try to slow down. You’ll meditate and journal and then you won’t yell as much. You won’t feel as rushed and anxious.
And, sometimes, it works…for a minute.
And then you’re exhausted again. Trying to do it all perfectly to the point you’re right back at multitasking your way through the day, overstimulated and losing it, wondering why is it so hard to enjoy the moment.
This is where the real issue often lies—it’s not just a lack of time.
It’s that even when you get a minute of rest, your brain won’t let you have it.
Your Brain Is Still Busy
I want you to understand that rest isn’t about being a bump on the log that becomes one with the couch. You don’t have to lay and do nothing for hours - that’s darn near impossible for any mom.
Rest isn’t about doing less - in many ways it’s about thinking less.
Why Rest Feels Unsafe and What To Do About it
Not because you don’t want it. But because the second things get quiet, the thoughts get louder, harder to control and even harder to resist:
I need to make sure that I transfer money from savings before the bill comes out next week
The kids haven’t gotten their well-child checks, maybe I should plan to schedule them on the same day
I have 15 emails sitting in my inbox right now to respond to, what if I’m missing a deadline on a project
What are we going to have for dinner? I should probably go get that started.
You get the idea.
So instead of actually resting, you scroll. Or start another load of laundry. Or pick up your phone and knock something off the to-do list… because that anxious energy feels productive.
But it’s actually wearing you out.
You're Not Lazy—You're Wired for This
Your brain is wired to seek safety which looks like what’s familiar and routine. It’s the reason old habits are hard to break even when you know they are no good. So if your normal is being busy, distracted, or constantly checking things off a list… then slowing down feels unfamiliar. Maybe even dangerous.
Your brain panics.
And when you don’t respond with your usual vices, or any vice for that matter - it ups the ante. The anxiety gets louder - your brain wants you to listen and so you start to believe the anxiety is true.
This is especially true for perfectionists or high performers. If your worth has always been tied to your output, then rest will feel like failure, but…
If you can wait it out, this is where the deeper more sustainable rest begins. Not just in your body, but in your mind.
Mental Fatigue Feels Like Physical Exhaustion
No wonder you’re so freaking tired.
Yes, it can absolutely be about sleep, nutrition, and hormones also, but a busy mind isn’t making it any easier. The constant inner dialogue filtering your every move and the pressure you’ve placed squarely on your shoulders - the invisible mental load you carry.
It’s no wonder that you feel drained by 2 in the afternoon.
So while you go to the doctor to have bloodwork run and up your caffeine intake to push through the slump, what you really need to be doing is calming and decluttering your mind.
So How Do Relax as a Busy Mom?
As a mom of 3 myself, I get that making time for rest isn’t always that simple. There are always going to be things that need to get done and not enough time to do them, but let me be very forward with you here too - is that just an excuse?
Is that what you’ve accepted as true for so long that there’s no point in challenging it? You don’t see another way.
3 questions I’d like for you to as yourself about permission to relax:
Do you let others help you when they offer?
Do you ask for help and are you willing to delegate?
How do you see yourself and measure your value?
Giving these questions some thought will give you insight into what’s really keeping you wired and unrested.
Why You Might Struggle to Relax (Even When You Want To)
You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not lazy.
You’re just someone who has spent years—maybe even decades—learning that your value comes from how much you do, how well you do it, and whether everyone else is okay first. An unfinished checklist is out of the question.
That kind of wiring doesn’t unwind overnight.
So let’s start small. Let’s practice rest in a way that feels doable—and actually helps you feel more like yourself again.
4 Resets for Busy Moms
Download my 5-Minute Calm Toolkit where I share practices that take 5 minutes or less and help you to feel calm and grounded so that you can enjoy your day and feel more relaxed.
Blocking your calendar, I recommend this to my clients and do this personally. Literally I suggest you schedule in when you’ll do your laundry, cook dinner, bathe the kids and…take rest. This way, you’ll know that everything has a time and a place - there’s no need to stress that it won’t all get done.
Start small, a couple of minutes at a time and gradually add on. It’s not about perfectly undistracted or completely zen, but the act of making the time a priority.
Seek support. Connect with other moms who understand what it’s like to be busy-minded and unsettled. Share your experiences - what’s working and what isn’t. You can find this in my program - apply now.
How You Know It’s Working (Even If You’re Still Tired)
Honestly, there’s no RIGHT way to rest - rest is more about the “How” you’re resting than the “What” you’re doing. This may be both exciting and terrifying for the Type-A women who want rules to follow, a task to check off because how else would you know you’re doing it right?
You might not feel magically energized overnight. But little signs will show up:
You’ll find yourself snapping less.
You’ll catch moments of gratitude more easily.
You’ll start to feel a little more “you” again.
You’ll actually enjoy a small moment—without rushing through it.
That’s the power of nervous system regulation and mental rest.
That’s what we’re after here.
It’s More Than About You
Rest isn’t just about you feeling better, although that’s a really good reason to do it. It positively impacts your family, work, friendships, health, and so much more. When your family sees you valuing rest and self-care, they’ll internalize those values. Moreover, a well-rested mom is more patient, present, and joyful.
Invitation to Help You Learn How to Relax
You don’t need a perfect routine. You have nothing to earn.
You need permission to slow down and still be enough.
That’s what I help moms like you do inside my coaching program. Because if you're always running on empty, it's hard to show up the way you want to—for your kids, your relationships, or yourself.
If this resonated with you, come check out my podcast where I share more tips on letting go of perfection and anxiety to enjoy motherhood more that you can listen on the go or follow me on Instagram @confidently.therapy for more relatable content and easy to apply strategies.
You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re just tired. Let’s help you relax.
