The Hidden Cost of Burned Out Motherhood—and How to Find Balance
Why Burnout Is So Hard to Recognize (Especially for Women Like You)
It’s really hard to slow down when you’ve built your life on being the one who goes above and beyond. When you’re constantly praised for being helpful, doing the right thing, and pushing through—even when you’re exhausted—it creates a loop that’s hard to break. It feels like the right way to be. The only way to be.
That’s why letting go of the pressure feels so impossible. It’s not just a mindset shift—it’s an identity shift right?
And even when you start to wonder if you’ve had enough, the guilt creeps in: Am I being selfish? Lazy? Weak?
This is the consensus of the moms I work with in my coaching program. Sound familiar?
In this blog, you’ll learn:
Why burnout can be hard to spot in high-achieving moms
How cultural expectations keep you stuck in survival mode
What it really means to redefine success (without giving up your ambition)
3 simple mindset shifts you can start practicing today
Let’s dig in.
The Culture of Tired Moms (And Why It Needs to Stop)
One of the most common things I hear from moms is, “I’m just so tired.” And yet, our culture shrugs that off with comments like:
"That’s just mom life."
"Wait until they’re teenagers—then you’ll really know tired."
"You signed up for this."
Can I just say how RIDICULOUS this response is?
Feeling tired, burned out, or emotionally drained isn’t something to laugh off. It’s not a badge of honor. It’s a signal—a cue from your body and your spirit that something is off. It’s a red flag that you need support, not a sign that you’re failing.
But when you’ve been rewarded your whole life for being the dependable one, the strong one, the capable one, it’s incredibly difficult to say, “I’m done. I need help.”
Why You Keep Striving—Even When You’re Exhausted
Let me firmly but gently say this: things won’t get better unless one of two things happens:
Life humbles you—maybe through health issues, emotional breakdown, or losing something important.
You choose to do something different.
My hope for you is the second.
Your brain craves routine and predictability. That’s how it keeps you safe. So even if striving is hurting you, it’s familiar—and your brain is wired to stick with what’s familiar. That’s why trying to rest, slow down, or let go of the pressure feels like setting off every internal alarm.
I talk more about this in another blog—3 Reasons You Can’t Relax as a Working Mom. If you haven’t read it, I really encourage you to. The patterns you’re stuck in are not because you’re broken. They’re just old wiring.
You are not a glutton for punishment who secretly enjoys being miserable. You just need a nudge—and a safe place to rewrite the narrative.
But What If I Stop Striving? What If I Let Go?
You’ve built a beautiful life: a job, a home, a partner, kids. From the outside, everything looks perfect. But deep down, something still feels off.
You lie awake at night feeling like you didn’t even see your kids that day—you were too busy managing life instead of living it.
You’re heartbroken that, despite trying every gentle parenting script, you still lost your temper.
You wonder, Is this it? Is this all there is? You’re tired of managing your life instead of living it.
But then that inner critic pipes up: You have no right to complain. Look at how good your life is. Other people would kill for your problems.
So you swallow the discomfort and decide the answer must be to try harder. You tell yourself:
I just need to be more disciplined.
I need a better morning routine.
I’ll be okay if I just get more done.
Searching for Answers That Still Don’t Fit
So you turn to Instagram. TikTok. Google. You find other moms saying the same things… but somehow, it still doesn’t click. Their lives still seem easier. Their achievements feel effortless. And the fear creeps in:
If I stop striving, everything I’ve built will fall apart.
You worry that if you let go of your edge, you’ll lose your success. Worse—you’ll lose yourself.
But let me ask you something: who is your “self”? And what does success really mean to you, right now?
Redefining Success in This Season of Life
Maybe in your 20s, success looked like late nights at the office, saying yes to every opportunity, always being the reliable one.
But you’re not her anymore. And that’s not something to feel ashamed of.
What if there’s more shame in not allowing yourself to evolve? What if the truest version of success is one that adapts as you do?
Stagnation isn’t noble. It’s survival mode. But you don’t have to just survive—you can evolve. You can choose a new definition of success that reflects who you are today.
That might mean:
Prioritizing dinner with your family over working late.
Letting go of rigid fitness goals because you were up all night with a teething baby.
Saying no to spontaneous weekend trips because routines and babysitters matter right now.
None of that makes you broken. It makes you brilliantly adaptable.
Being a mom didn’t break you—it revealed just how powerful and unmatched you really are.
You Don’t Have to Choose Between Ambition and Ease
I am not saying you should give up your dreams or ambitions. I’m not saying your life should revolve solely around your family.
For some women, that’s not fulfilling. And that’s okay too.
My point is this: you are not your productivity. You are not your to-do list. You are not your performance.
You are a whole, worthy human being who deserves rest, support, and joy—not because you earned it, but because you exist.
Can You Love Yourself the Way You Love Your Kids?
You’d never measure your child’s worth by how much they accomplished in a day. You wouldn’t say, “Sorry sweetie, you didn’t get enough done—no love for you today.”
So why do you treat yourself that way?
Can you extend the same grace and acceptance to yourself that you so freely give your children?
Can you trust that life might look different—and that different isn’t bad? It might even be better.
3 Gentle Mindset Shifts to Support You Right Now
Redefine Success Based on Your Current Season
Ask yourself: What matters most to me right now? What do I want to prioritize in this season?
Success isn’t static. It evolves. Let yours reflect your current reality.
Let ‘No’ Become a Loving Yes
Every time you say yes to something out of guilt, fear, or obligation, you are saying no to something that truly matters.
What would it look like to let your values—not your fears—guide your choices?
Release the Need for Perfection
There is no gold star at the end of motherhood. No invisible judge handing out scores.
You are doing the best you can with what you know—and that is always enough.
Use Your Strength to Soften In
The same strength you used to push through can be used to soften in. You’ve proven you can do hard things. Now let’s practice doing soft things:
Saying no without explaining.
Resting without guilt.
Asking for help without shame.
Therapist and Coach for Anxious, Burned Out Moms | Alexis Adams, MS, LMHC, CIMHP
If any of this resonated, you’re exactly the kind of mom I support in my coaching program. Together, we gently untangle the pressure, perfectionism, and people-pleasing so enjoy life instead of manage it. Not ready, follow me on Instagram @confidently.therapy where I share other relatable strategies or check out my other blogs.
