Why Is it Hard to Ask For Help? 3 Reasons Why

Jun 16

Why Is It Hard For Moms To Ask For Help? Your Questions Answered

I’ve always been someone who leans toward the do-it-yourself route. My husband and I both are. Whether it’s parenting, running a household, or taking on big life transitions like moving—we’ve always figured it out on our own. But recently, during yet another move, I found myself face-to-face with a truth I think so many moms struggle with but rarely speak out loud: Asking for help as a mom can feel impossibly hard.

If you’re a do-it-yourself mom who holds yourself to a high standard to do it all, this is for you. In this blog, I’ll share the hidden struggle of wanting and needing support but not knowing how to take it (or feeling like you shouldn’t). By the end you’ll have the confidence to ask for and receive the support you desperately crave; recognizing that it isn’t weakness, but healthy and brave, no more guilt and second guessing.

Hey there, I’m Alexis—a therapist and coach who works with moms just like you. I specialize in helping high-achieving, self-critical enjoy motherhood instead of manage it.

If you're new here and nodding along already, I’d love for you to grab my free 5-Minute Calm Toolkit or come hang out with me on Instagram where I share encouragement and tools you can use in real life.

This blog (and others on my site!) is another free support to help you feel seen and supported without adding more pressure or perfectionism to your plate.

Let’s dive into what’s really going on when you're feeling anxious and don’t know why—and what to do about it.

Mom Guilt for Needing Help

We had planned to hire movers this time around (progress, right?). With both of our families living out of state and our local support system still growing, we figured we’d power through it like we always do. But a friend—someone from my husband’s work—got wind of our move and was genuinely offended we hadn’t asked for help. They insisted on showing up. No questions, no expectations—just a true, “We’ll be there.”

And you know what my gut reaction was?

“Oh no, they shouldn’t have to do that. It’s such a long drive. I don’t want to inconvenience them.”

Even though we never asked, even though they wanted to help, my first response was pure guilt for needing help. Sound familiar?

We Say We Want a Village… But We Struggle to Accept One

I’ve said it a hundred times—maybe you have too: "I want to build a village. I want community for my kids, and for myself." And yet, when the village shows up, I freeze. I panic. I downplay my needs.

There’s this irony so many moms face—we crave connection and support, but we also resist it. Deep down, many of us have an internal dialogue that sounds something like:

“I should be able to handle this.”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
“They won’t do it the right way.”
“What if I can’t repay them?”

This fear of being seen as weak or needy runs deep. And it’s one of the biggest reasons why asking for help as a mom feels so uncomfortable.

Even more ironic is how quick we are to run to the aid of others, we love to be helpful. We feel so satisfied by being able to make someone else’s life easier, but when the tables are turned we’re quick to downplay and shrug off the extra hands.

Why It’s Hard to Ask for Help

If you’ve ever felt this internal struggle, let me reassure you—it’s not just you. You’re not broken, or selfish.

Asking for help can trigger all kinds of things, especially if you're someone who’s always tried to prove your worth by being capable, reliable, or the one who holds everything together. You’re rewarded for it - people in your life love that about you.

We internalize messages from society, from childhood, from our own expectations that say:

Moms should be able to do it all.
Good moms don’t need breaks.
If you need help, you must be failing.

But here’s the truth: Asking for help is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

But you know that, you just don’t feel that. Your head and your heart are at war.

Letting Go of Control as a Mom (Even When It’s Hard)

One of the hardest things for me personally has been letting go of control. Whether it’s how the dishwasher is loaded (anyone else?) or how someone else watches the kids, I’ve often felt like if it’s not done my way, it’s not done right.

But that belief has left me exhausted.

Letting go of control as a mom doesn’t mean you don’t care. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. It means you're acknowledging that you don't have to do it all—and honestly, you shouldn't.

When my mother-in-law offered to fly in and watch the kids for our anniversary trip, I was flooded with guilt. Again. That old story of "we should be able to handle this ourselves" came rushing back.

But she wanted to help. She was glad to help. And in saying yes, we both got what we needed: we got a break, and she got quality time with her grandkids.

🧘‍♀️ Grab my free 5-Minute Calm Toolkit — full of simple practices to reset your nervous system in the middle of the day, no perfection required.

Receiving Help Is a Form of Connection

Here’s the thing no one tells you: letting others help you is one of the most powerful ways to build meaningful relationships.

When you let someone show up for you, you're giving them the chance to really know you. You’re showing them your humanity. You’re inviting them into your world—not the filtered, I’ve-got-it-all-together version, but the real, vulnerable, beautifully imperfect you.

We say we want to be seen and known, but how can we be truly known if we never let our guard down? If we never let people see our actual needs?

So many of my clients—especially high-achieving, self-critical moms—say they want deeper friendships, stronger connections, and more support. But when it comes to accepting help? That’s where the brakes slam on.

And believe me, I get it. I’ve had to practice receiving help. Whether it’s:

Asking my husband to take over bedtime so I can catch my breath.
Hiring a coach to support my business and emotional well-being.
Letting a friend bring dinner or watch the kids.

Every time I say yes to help, I’m saying yes to being human.

Challenging the Guilt and Doing It Anyway

That doesn’t mean the guilt goes away.

I still sometimes feel like a burden. I still sometimes wonder if I’m asking too much. But now, I pause and challenge that guilt.

Instead of asking, "What’s wrong with me for needing help?" I ask, "What’s right about letting people love and support me?"

And maybe that’s the reframe you need too.

Because here’s the truth:

You are not too much.
You are not a burden.
You do not have to earn rest or love or support.

You were never meant to do this alone.

Helping Helps People Feel Good Too

One last thought that’s really helped me let others in:

Helping others makes them feel good, too.

Think about the last time someone asked you for support. Maybe they needed a meal, a listening ear, or someone to pick up their kid. Didn’t it feel good to show up for them?

Most people genuinely want to help. It gives them a sense of purpose, of closeness, of meaning. But if we don’t give them the opportunity, we rob them of that chance.

By asking for help as a mom, you’re not just caring for yourself—you’re building connection. You’re allowing others to matter in your life.

And isn’t that what we want for our kids too? To see what it looks like to receive love without shame?

So Let’s Normalize Asking for Help

If there’s anything I’ve learned from this season of life, it’s this: we need to stop glamorizing doing it all alone. That mindset isn’t noble—it’s isolating. There’s no prize at the end for being more independent. No gold star.

Let’s normalize needing each other.

Let’s teach our kids that community is a strength, not a weakness.

Let’s give ourselves permission to be cared for.

And let’s finally believe that asking for help as a mom is one of the bravest, wisest, and most loving things we can do—for ourselves, and for our families.

You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to prove anything.

You're already worthy of support.

So the next time someone offers to help—pause, breathe, and say yes.

Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it’s messy.

Because that yes might be the beginning of the village you’ve been longing for all along.

Ready for Some Help?

If this resonated with you, I want you to know—there’s more support waiting for you.

💬 Ready to go deeper? Apply for 1:1 coaching — where we gently untangle what’s fueling your anxiety, so you can stop managing life and start enjoying it again.

📲 Come hang out on Instagram @confidently.therapy — I share encouragement, tips, and real-life moments from the messy middle.

And if this helped you, would you forward it to a friend or share it on social? You never know who might need this gentle reminder today.